December 24, 2009 
Baby’s First Christmas
December 22, 2009
Filed under ME, Our Family, The Twins, The new baby, The seven year old
A friend of mine recently posed the question of what ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ means to you. Rebecca said “Few memories are as special as a baby’s first Christmas. Little hands wrapped around your fingers, small breaths on your cheek, and the curved lips of a smile…Eyes that grow in wonder, and even tired cries…memories of a baby’s first Christmas. A lot of times we see the baby, we hold the baby, but are we truly grasping it all? It’s so much more than that isn’t it? A baby is the past, present and future all wrapped in one. They bring to life what we felt, what we feel, and what we have no knowledge of. Christmas isn’t for them, it’s for us. It’s for us to see the promise of life, the promise of love, and the promises we make as mothers and fathers.”
Beautifully put. And of course since I am such a sentimentalist, I decided to share my thoughts.
My oldest child is about to celebrate her eighth Christmas. I can remember the morning after she was born, and how I stared at her for hours imagining how our lives were going to be forever changed after that moment. I remember her first Christmas, and how I was tremendously grateful and blessed and that this perfect little soul had no idea how special it was to have her on this day. We all know the story of Christmas, the celebration of Jesus’ birth. But until my daughter’s first Christmas, I could never understand what Mary must have felt on that day. The meaning of Christmas was forever changed for me with ‘Baby’s First Christmas’. She was nine months old.
Last Christmas, my twin sons celebrated their first Christmas. They were five months old at Christmas. We were doubly blessed, and to enjoy another ‘first Christmas’ (two-fold) was once again amazing. While they could not possibly understand the meaning of Christmas, the preparation and planning, the hustle and bustle, the wonder and awe that they will grow to understand in Christmases of the future, I did. And I understood it more last year than I ever did before. They say we grow older and we grow wiser. I appreciate things more now than I did when I was younger.
We have been blessed to experience one last ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ this year, with the birth of Joseph, who is three months old. Joe-Joe celebrates his first Christmas as the youngest of all our children (as he was born later in the year than his siblings, of course!) As I prepare for Christmas this year, I reflect even more on Christmases past and am filled with emotion with Joseph’s first Christmas so quickly approaching.
I usually found myself scrounging last minute to buy presents, decorate, bake, wrap, and all the other Christmas “chores”. I am amazed with how this year, it seemed to fall into place much easier than in the past, and am more amazed that I even found the time to get it all done with time to spare. I have four young children, and my husband and I were determined to do what we could do to enjoy the holiday season, as we try to do each year.
I was in a conversation with some “Mommy friends” last week, and the topic of the holidays came up. I heard one mother say that she didn’t send Christmas cards because money was tight, and she added that it didn’t matter anyway, because people just threw them out. I felt sad, not because she chose not to send cards out due to money, but because somewhere the message in the Christmas card sending tradition was lost. I always enjoy writing out my cards and mailing them out, and I enjoy getting them back even more! I smile with each photo card I get, watching children of friends and family grow from year to year. Christmas cards allow me to have contact with friends that I would not keep up with were it not for the annual postal frenzy called “Christmas Card Exchange” (well, prior to the Facebook/MySpace age!), and the small notes attached to distant relatives cards that give me that warm, fuzzy holiday feeling I remember from my childhood – a tradition I find to mean so much more than the thought of a “chore” (although it is not easy to get four kids smiling for a photo!)
Speaking of that warm, fuzzy holiday feeling that I remember from childhood, I know that I want my children to experience that too, for as many years as they possibly can. I know that in the blink of an eye, they will be growing up, no longer Santa believers, no longer the innocent perfections they are today (well, in my eyes they always will be!)… They have the rest of their lives to know that life may not always be easy, that days like this should never be taken for granted, that they may have to ‘find’ that warm, fuzzy holiday feeling each Christmas instead of just feeling it… That they will spend the rest of their lives wishing they could once again see Christmas through the eyes of a child…
Children are miracles, gifts from God. I have been blessed to have three special Christmases with four perfect Christmas presents: Juliana, Louis, Anthony and Joseph. And while they may not remember their first Christmases, I will never forget them. Merry Christmas!
Our Christmas Menu
December 21, 2009 
A few weeks ago I wrote about Christmas shopping for food. Wanted to share the official Christmas menu!
I am of Italian heritage. Anyone who has ever eaten over our house growing up on holidays (heck, even on an average Sunday!) would think my family was NUTS! The amount of food my grandmother, then my mother, and now I prepare and consume on a holiday can feed a small country. This is the menu for Christmas dinner.
The antipasto course is first. We prepare provolone, soppressata, dry sausage, mozzarella, ricotta salata, pepperoni, and other cheeses and meats in antipasto trays. Along with seasoned peppers stuffed with cheeses and prosciutto, seasoned artichoke hearts, and an olive salad, the cold trays complement the hot trays: stuffed mushrooms and warm Italian bread. For many, this is a meal in itself (and really, it is!). But this is only the beginning. Enjoyed with red or white wine, the antipasto sets the stage for the rest of the afternoon. Yes, dinner starts at about 3:00 PM.
The women clear off the antipasto dishes and check the pasta baking in the oven, while the men and children find their way into the living room for football and new toys. And everyone gets a chance to digest the antipasto until the next course is served.
The pasta course is usually lasagna. I personally would prefer a stuffed manicotti or baked ziti, but the traditional pasta for Christmas Day is lasagna. Layers of pasta with ricotta, mozzarella, and teeny tiny meatballs are baked in the oven. I spent last Sunday preparing the sauce (which I call ‘gravy’) and the ‘gravy’ meat, including the meatballs. One hundred and twenty mini meatballs for the lasagna and 65 large meatballs along with sausage, a piece of beef, a piece of pork, spare ribs and braciole were cooked in the gravy in advance. This Christmas I am expecting to serve thirteen people. Luckily, the gravy and any leftover gravy meat can be (and will be!) frozen for future meals. The lasagna and gravy meat are our second course.
By this point, no one wants to eat anymore, but somehow everyone finds room. This Christmas, we are cooking a 20 pound fresh ham along with a 5 pound roast beef. Onions, stuffed artichokes (my personal favorite food!), candied yams, roasted potatoes, green beans, salad, corn, and red cabbage add to the fun (oh, joy!) of the meal.
Notice we still have not had dessert! Dessert in itself is three different courses, maybe four. We start with fruit and then nuts. Winter fruits, including oranges, apples, pears, and finocchio (fennel, a fruit that tastes like black licorice) is served next. Following the fruits are the nuts: walnuts, almonds, Brazilian nuts, hazelnuts, and baked chestnuts, we are now finishing up the bottles of wine, preparing for the liqueurs. The after dinner cordials are served with boxed chocolates, including chocolate covered cherries, after dinner mints and jelly rings.
Finally (now that everyone has eaten enough food to last them for 6 more days) it is time for coffee and cake. We serve the desserts our guests have brought, usually including pastries, cheesecake (my father usually makes his Italian cheesecake specialty) and a chocolate cake. We made dozens and dozens of cookies to satisfy every palate: butter cookies, peanut butter cookies, butterscotch walnut cookies, anisette cookies (my grandmother’s specialty), and nut cups. My parents will bring the tri-color cookies that took two days to prepare (rainbow cookies, and they are worth every minute!) and my aunts will bring the struffoli (honey balls). All of these cakes and cookies are served with a choice of coffees (American coffee, espresso, cappuccino).
And then, everyone rolls home!
Remembering 2009
This year saw highs and lows for our family. The year started quietly, as we rang in the New Year at home with our children and my parents and sister. The twins were only six months old then, and didn’t make it until midnight (rightly so!). In February, we got the shock of our lives, when I learned that I was expecting again, our third baby in a year. We spent the next few months trying to figure out where we would fit everyone, how we would manage with all of these children, and if we would ever sleep again.
My daughter completed the first grade and did exceptionally well. She finished with a 98 average and in the 96th percentile in her state exams.
We traveled with the kids (yes, pregnant!) on two family vacations. We went to Colonial Williamsburg/Busch Gardens in Virginia over the long Memorial Day weekend, and we drove from New York to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina in early August. I was thrilled to have survived the trip (and the ride!) with Paul and the kids and my huge belly!
I was promoted to City Ambassador for New York City’s MomsLikeMe.com right before 2008 came to a close, and my job officially started in the new year. I started freelancing with Parent’s Choice in May. By the end of the year, I was working about 45 hours a week from home growing page views and registered users for MLM, while writing various articles and blogs for Parent’s Choice. My online counseling and Nevaland business and website were put on the back burner as there are not enough hours in the week to manage the two jobs, the kids, and our home. I hope to grow both of them again in 2010. Busy, busy, busy.
We celebrated some big birthdays this year: my mother-in-law and my father both celebrated their 60th birthdays. My husband turned 40 (and I still cannot believe that, we feel so young!), my brother turned 30, my sister turned 25, and my twins turned 1. My daughter began the second grade, the school year where she will make her First Holy Communion. And I gave birth to one more bundle of joy.
Joseph Paul completed our family on September 18th. Originally due in early October, with a scheduled C-Section for 9/22, Joseph wanted to show Mommy and Daddy that he was calling the shots, and mommy was in pre-term labor (just like with the twins only 14 months earlier) at 32 weeks. We managed to stay pregnant until 37 weeks, and when Joseph was born, I immediately fell in love with another male (I now am madly in love with one man, 3 little boys, and a princess). I am a busy mommy but tremendously blessed.
When Joe Joe was only eight days old, my grandmother passed away. She had been sick for some time, and I believe she held on until she knew JoeJoe and I were home safe to allow herself to go home. While relieved that she was no longer in pain, she is missed daily. And while she and my grandfather were fortunate to have a beautiful marriage, two children, five grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren, the holidays are proving to be missing her presence as we prepare for Christmas and ringing in the new year.
Just two weeks before 2009 ended, we saw a blizzard in NYC. It started snowing on Saturday afternoon, and when we awoke on Sunday morning there were about 10 inches of snow on the ground. That weekend was the BEST weekend of 2009. I was able to spend two whole days with no where to go, no deadlines to meet, and the pleasure of being with the people I adore most in the world. Paul and I prepared the lasagna for our Christmas dinner, we baked cookies with Juliana (and I even made the twins help whisk the flour, which they LOVED!), we wrapped gifts, cleaned the house (I rearranged cabinets to fit all the groceries we bought before the storm started), and then after the snow we let the kids play in it. We put on the monitor right near baby JoeJoe by the sliding glass doors leading to the yard while he slept, and the boys enjoyed the snow for the first time. Juliana had a blast as well! Paul and I were so happy to have been able to stop time just for a weekend and enjoy our family. I hope 2010 can bring more weekends like that here and there.
We’re looking forward to spending another quiet New Year’s Eve at home with the kids. We’ve invited some friends over with their children, and we will ring in 2010 with hope for a great year.
How will you remember 2009?
Christmas Shopping… FOR FOOD!
My husband and I are cooking Christmas dinner this year. We are hosting 15 or more family members. Both my family and my in-laws are of Italian descent, and both families have kept the holiday traditions alive through the years with menus. I cannot believe how much food is actually served at a holiday in our family! First, we begin with an antipasto (appetizer) which consists of various cheeses and deli style meats. These antipasto trays are served with bread and some salads, peppers, olives, sweet breads, stuffed mushrooms, and more. (Hang on, I am FAR from done!) Next is the pasta course. Christmas is generally lasagna, with mini meatballs inside. We cannot forget the “gravy meat”, which is meatballs and sausage among other meats served in the lasagna sauce. Then comes the main course, which is either one or two of the following: roast beef, fresh ham, leg of lamb or turkey. This is accompanied by various vegetables and starches, such as stuffed artichokes, green beans, broccoli, salad, baked potatoes, yams, more bread and other fixings that go along with the meats. (And the meal continues, thank goodness this is only one day a year!) Fruit and nuts come next, with various winter fruits and nuts, including my favorite, chestnuts. I guess we use the excuse that there are all these fresh fruits and veggies in the meal, therefore we are eating “healthy”! If anyone still has room left (which most of us FIND room for dessert!), dessert is last, served with different types of coffees and liquors. Oops, I forgot to mention the red and white wines that are served throughout the meal. So yes, I guess my family is stuffed and drunk by evening! Everyone who comes to dinner has either baked cookies, pies, cheesecakes, and/or purchased a variety of these as well as pastries for dessert. Wow, I am getting a stomach ache just thinking about all this food! But I believe everyone should experience this kind of meal if just ONCE! Amazing! Our supermarket hosts a special each holiday season, just before Thanksgiving, that if you accumulate a certain number of points from shopping in the weeks before Thanksgiving, you can earn a one time use 20% off coupon on a future purchase to be redeemed the week of Thanksgiving. So my husband and I took advantage and managed to purchase any items for Christmas dinner that we could in advance with the discount coupon. Now just imagine how much money it costs to purchase all of these things? The dry sausage and cheeses alone are a small fortune! We decided to save wherever we could and buy generic. Many of the food items above do not come in generic, however, I am proud to say that I saved a fortune on other items needed to prepare dinner! For instance, instead of buying ‘Reynold’s Wrap’ at $6.99 a roll, I bought the store brand at $3.99! I bought store brand baggies to wrap up the cheeses in and saved another small fortune! And because I want to be able to toss after dessert and get some much needed rest, we got the store brand coffee cups and dessert plates as well! We will need to spend an afternoon the week of Christmas shopping for more groceries for Christmas dinner. So while many people shop for gifts, this year I will be adding “groceries” to my Christmas shopping list!
MOTHER GUILT
Would you say that “Mother Guilt” is an integral part of motherhood? Do you constantly question whether you have made the right decisions and if you are doing a good job parenting your children? Is the simple fact that we question how we are doing as mothers a good indication that we are GREAT moms? And why does society have to add to our guilt?
My “Mother Guilt” started before my first child was even born. My first two pregnancies ended in losses, and although I knew that the losses were inevitable, for years I blamed myself… “If only I didn’t smoke cigarettes when I was younger”… “I shouldn’t have had that Motrin before I found out I was pregnant”… among other irrational “guilty thoughts”.
When I finally did give birth to a healthy baby girl, the “Mother Guilt” kicked in again, right after she was born. After countless hours in labor and no progression and never dilating past 5 centimeters, I ended up needing a cesarean section, and therefore felt that I really didn’t “give birth” to my baby.
As a matter of fact, my next pregnancy was twins. Because I had had a prior C-Section, because they were high risk, and because Baby B was breach, I had a scheduled C-Section. While the experience was positive (what a pleasure to “walk” into the operating room and not have to sit in labor all those hours!), once again I felt like a bad mother for not “giving birth” to my sons.
When I was pregnant with my fourth child, I gave the idea of “giving birth” some serious thought. By this point, I was already a mother to three children, and had been doing this mother thing for seven years already. I knew in my heart and in my head that whether or not I gave birth vaginally or by c-section, I was a mother and I was a good one at that! As a matter of fact, even if I had adopted my children, I would still be their mother, so why did the C-Section thought cause me such grief?
I brought the topic up on a mother’s message board and most of the replies all shared the same sentiment: no matter how my children got into this world, I was still their mother! But one poster’s response made me realize why I was feeling the way I felt. This poster was a doula. I can appreciate the doula sharing her specialty with me and the other readers, but she actually made me feel worse! This woman was actually making me feel like something was wrong with me because I did not give birth vaginally. She was knocking my doctors, knocking my decisions, and was insisting that the woman’s body was designed to give birth and any doctor that insists a woman needs a C-Section was only in the field for the money. WHAT?
Any medical professional who claims that cesareans are medically unnecessary should NOT be working with pregnant and laboring mothers. I would not want this doula with me while I was in labor because I am lead to believe that if faced with a medical emergency, either my baby or I would be in serious danger if in her care.
I know moms who have conceived with in vitro. I know moms who have adopted. I know moms who have used a surrogate. I know moms who could never give birth to their own biological children. I know moms who have given birth by c-section. We are all mothers. Motherhood is about BEING a mother, not becoming a mother. And the means to which you became a mother doesn’t make you a good (or bad) mom!
The other “hot” topic that often leaves mothers feeling guilty is breastfeeding. And once again, society often plays a role in leaving moms who are unable to nurse their children feeling that “mother guilt”. Some women cannot breastfeed, for whatever reason. And some women CHOOSE not to breastfeed. And because some people in society feel the incredible need to tell these mothers regularly how breastfeeding is the “right” thing to do, those who cannot are often left feeling like they failed their child.
I nursed all four of my children for the first three months of their lives. I supplemented with formula from day one as well. We know that under normal circumstances, breast milk is best, and I personally think that any amount of nursing is better than none. That is my opinion and that was my personal decision. Should I have chosen not to nurse at all, that would not have made me any worse (or better!) of a mother.
I am sure that the “Mother Guilt” will continue throughout the rest of my life. I can’t imagine not wondering if I am doing the best job that I can as a mom. I think that is what helps to make me a good mother. I always continue to evaluate how I am doing, and what I can be doing better. As my children grow and develop more of their own personalities, I have to trust that the mothering I am doing now will help them to grow into respectful adults. I am sure, however, that there will always be something that comes up that will make me feel that “mother guilt”, if even for a fleeting moment.
Hang in there moms… we’re all in this together!
Swine Flu Vaccine
I believe in vaccinating children. I have vaccinated my children according to the guidelines, and feel more comfortable knowing that certain diseases and sicknesses have been eradicated in this country due to vaccines. It worries me knowing that underdeveloped countries lack the funds to vaccinate, which means that certain diseases have not been wiped out completely. This scares me because I know that some children are not vaccinated in the US due to their parents’ beliefs, but this means that it is possible that diseases that we have vaccines for may be rampant in other parts of the world, may spread to the US to children that have not been vaccinated, and different strains may develop creating an epidemic in this country.
I would never claim to be a medical expert, for I am a family counselor, not a doctor. But more importantly, I am a mom. I do not judge any other parent for their decisions regarding their own children, but I do admit that it worries me that my children can come home with let’s say a new strain of smallpox because a family who hadn’t vaccinated their children went to another country and their child caught the disease. As a mom, not a medical professional, I have read into the literature on vaccines, and although I know that there are negatives to vaccinating (side effects, the possibility of a link between vaccinating and autism, etc.), I feel the benefits outweigh the risks, and the percentages of children who have a negative reaction to a vaccine are too small for me to not vaccinate. If one of my four children were to be among those statistics I may feel otherwise, however, realistically, a widespread epidemic of a deadly disease scares me terribly.
That being said, I am not personally comfortable with my children receiving the H1N1 vaccine. The schedule of vaccines that are recommended for children have all been around for many years. As a matter of fact, I received many of the vaccines when I was a child. We are aware of any long term effects of the vaccines given today, as they have been around for decades. The H1N1 is a live vaccine (which in itself makes me uncomfortable) and it is too new to know what long term effects it may have on those who get it. So although I believe in vaccines, I have read up on it, have discussed the options with my pediatrician, family doctor and other medical professionals, and my husband and I have decided that our children will not have the H1N1 vaccine this year. That doesn’t rule it out for the future, but for now, we will not be getting it.
We are extremely lucky to live in a country where we have clean hospitals and educated doctors as well as safe medications. I pray that my children (as well as my husband and I) can steer clear of the H1N1 germs this year, but should we get infected in our house, I trust in the medical care our doctors can provide. That does not mean that we are not washing our hands a thousand times a day in our house! And my daughter has been instructed to stay FAR AWAY from any children in her class who even sniffle. Hoping H1N1 does not come near our family!
Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (Newborn)
www.nevaland.com
Not Enough Hours in a Day
Time management is an art form. Whether you are a working mom, work at home mom or stay at home mom, there always seems to be a million and one things to get done. As a mother of four young children, I always find myself running out of time by the end of the day. I wish there were more hours in a day, maybe then I could manage to get all the laundry put away or have time to do all my writing in a timely manner.
When I am asked how I manage my home, being wife and mom of four, family therapist and freelance writer, then adding in cooking, cleaning and other chores, plus my full time job as City Ambassador of New York City’s MomsLikeMe.com, I laugh. I try to manage my time as effectively as possible. That often means that I am on conference calls while nursing the baby or counseling a client by phone while cutting vegetables for dinner!
Here are some tips for helping with the daily crunch, although I must admit I need to brush up on my own time management skills!
Prioritize
I try to make a mental note each morning of what absolutely needs to get done today and what can wait if necessary. For instance, my daughter has gym class on Wednesdays and needs her gym outfit. So I need to be sure on Tuesday morning, if I haven’t already, her laundry needs to be done so her gym clothes are ready for that evening. May sound simple, but I cannot remember how many times I have been left doing laundry Tuesday night because I procrastinated doing the laundry all day and needed to get it done.
Luckily for me I have deadlines with work. As I work from home, there is always work that needs to be done: Newsletters are due by Wednesday morning, content reports are due by Sunday afternoon, articles are due by month’s end, etc. I live by the alarms on my blackberry and Outlook, so when “Newsletter Due – 4 hours” pops up on screen, I know I better make sure I am almost done with the week’s newsletter!
I enjoy my twice a month manicures and pedicures. Those times are my “me” times, where I get peace and quiet (and even a little massage!), time to myself, and I walk out feeling that much better about myself when my nails look good. Yes, it does take two hours out of my time, but for me, I am recharged and refueled for a little while. So I am sure to add my nail salon time into my list of priorities. I do recommend every mom does the same: whether it is time to read that book, time for a bubble bath, time to go jogging, or whatever it is that helps keep you going, “me” time should be a priority.
Delegate
If you are anything like me, you have a hard time delegating chores out to other family members. I need to get passed the “If you want something right, you have to do it yourself” mentality, because if I don’t, I will never get everything I need done. Naturally, when you have children and a home to keep clean, laundry to do, whether you are a working mom or stay at home mom, it can become challenging to do it all by yourself week after week.
Obviously if you have very young children, you cannot ask them to help with your tasks. However, even a young toddler can help clean up. I like to go over to my fifteen month old twins and have them each pick up a toy to put back into the toy chest each evening before bedtime. I find that now, I will see them occasionally putting a toy back in the toy chest without being asked to. If we continue to do this regularly, it will become habit with the boys, and they will be on their way to keeping their own toys and putting things away themselves, which is one thing less that I will need to do after putting them to bed every night.
My daughter is seven years old. I have asked her to sit with the baby and feed him his bottle while I am a few feet away writing an article or folding laundry. I have also asked her to help out by putting the clothes from the washing machine into the dryer for me. I still need to check everything she does and I still need to keep an eye on her, but the extra pair of hands really helps out every now and then. Now if I can only get her to keep her room clean!
My husband washes the dishes every night. I am very lucky to have had him volunteer to do this from when we first got married. The plan was that if I cook, he will do the dishes. And he has held up his end of the deal. This allows me to finish up with what I have to get done while he is doing the dishes. Maybe your spouse is not into doing dishes. Ask him if he can help with bathing the children or some other duty that you would usually do.
Organization
In some aspects I am extremely organized but in others I am a mess. If I can only get my closets and drawers as organized as they should be, I would find a lot more time during the day that I waste on searching for the match to a shoe or a missing receipt in a pile of mail! I am the first to admit this is one of my biggest downfalls in time management skills. For as long as I can remember, I find myself spending way too much time searching for missing things. My biggest problem with this issue is when I put something away for safe keeping and then cannot remember where I put it, therefore spending way too much time sorting through drawers and closets to find it! Regardless of my own demons, it is always a good idea to be organized. As you can see from my experiences, it can help save a ton of time!
While I may not be the best in organizing closets, cabinets, drawers and storage space, I am organized with most everything else. My blackberry is priceless. I have my daughter’s school schedule in my calendar, along with every doctor’s appointment, work event, party and other items which I have set with reminders to help me remember them. I have my emails go through my blackberry as well, so when I get an important email, I save it it my blackberry so I can refer to it if away from my computer. I have my entire address book in my blackberry as well, and try to add any contacts I meet daily in there, should I lose a business card or slip of paper with a name and address on it. I include either the person’s company info or reason for contact in the entry, so I can search easily. I even have Microsoft Word, Excel and Powerpoint downloaded onto my blackberry so that I can open important files and get other information when I am on the go. In addition to my blackberry, one can also often find notes all around my house: sticky notes on my mirror, checklists on my desk or dining room table, and notes from my daughter’s school tacked on to the refrigerator. I have even been known to tack a note onto the inside of my front door so that I won’t forget something when I leave. Hey, whatever works, right?
There are only twenty-four hours in a day. At least six or eight of those hours should be spent sleeping, to recharge for the next day. Naturally, as parents, we are going to run out of the remaining sixteen hours. They go by so quickly!
Jennifer
Wife to Paul, Mom to Juliana (7), Anthony and Louis (1) and Joseph (Newborn)
www.nevaland.com
My First Call from the Principal
I am still not sure how I feel about the phone call that I got from the Principal last week. I mean I am proud of my daughter for sticking up for herself and not allowing anyone to get away with touching her, but I do not like that my child feels that it is okay to hit another child. Let me backtrack a bit.
When the Principal called at 1 PM last Tuesday, I thought it was the nurse calling to tell me Juliana was not feeling well. When I heard the Principal’s voice, I thought it might be about the website that I have been managing for the past two years for the school. Instead, I heard “Juliana hit a little boy in the schoolyard today”. WHAT? I would have liked to say “You have the wrong child”, but first of all, the school is small and the Principal knows all the children personally by name, and second, I loathe when parents deny that their child could do no wrong. So I sat there and listened while she told me the story.
I learned that the children were playing during recess, and one of the boys tagged her on the shoulder. Another boy squeezed her in the breast area. Although my daughter is too young to have developed anything in that area, I have been adamant about teaching her that she should never allow anyone to touch her in her private areas, and that area was of course a private area.
I am not sure if it was sheer reflex, but turns out my daughter hauled off and punched the little boy in the jaw saying “You are not supposed to touch a girl like that!” The boy started crying and his lip bled. They were both called to the principal’s office, he admitted what he did and apologized, the principal told my daughter that she should have called the lunch mother, and told both of them that no one should be touching anyone’s private areas. The principal called the boy’s mom and then called me, and told me that although she did not tell Juliana outright, she is proud that Juliana knows to never let someone touch her and that she defended herself.
I, on the other hand, cannot believe my daughter hit another child! I have never been in a fight and would never have hit anyone else, although there have been times in my life when I WISH I would have! I would have preferred that she went to the lunch mother as well, and did not condone the hitting.
The one thing I wanted my daughter to clarify to me was “Are you sure he didn’t touch you by accident?” And Juliana explained to me that the boy not only touched her, he pinched her in that area and twisted! Not only was she defending herself from a boy touching her where he had no right to touch her, she was also probably embarrassed that he did this, and maybe he even hurt her!
My husband and I did sit her down that evening to have a talk with her. I needed to stress that hitting is not something we will allow. I reminded her that she needs to go to a trusted adult if anyone ever hurts her or does something wrong to her. I told her that I never want another call from the Principal saying that Juliana hit anyone ever again.
When she went to bed later that night, I told my husband that I was secretly very proud of my daughter for sticking up for herself. I know that I never had the guts to do that when I was younger, and although I meant what I said about never wanting to hear that my daughter hit another child, I am very happy she has proven that she will not allow anyone to hurt her or touch her inappropriately. And I hope the little boy learned his lesson as well!
Holiday Photos
Antoinette, a friend of the family, has four children. Year after year I await her Christmas card with her family photo, but it never comes. One year I asked her if she does holiday photos, and she told me that it is too difficult to get a good photo of all the kids at once, and often it is too much time, effort and energy to take them for photos, that by the end of the session everyone is a mess, including her and her husband!
Now that I have four children myself, I can understand her frustration. My oldest is seven, and although one would think she is the easiest to take a photo of out of the crew, this is not always the case. Well, see, she starts out smiling pretty, but then her brothers start to fidget, they try to get up and run away, Mommy and Daddy get sweaty, and before you know it, the babies are all looking at the camera but my daughter is making a funny looking face!
I think we have gotten it down to a science with the twins: as long as they are given cell phones, they will sit. But once they realize that they each have a different phone (one has Mommy’s Blackberry and the other has Daddy’s flip phone), they usually start to fight for the other phone. UGH!
So through all the fussing and posing and re-posing, changing outfits and wiping spit up and chasing after a dashing toddler, the baby usually falls asleep! And I don’t want him sleeping in our Christmas card!
This year, on Thanksgiving morning, right after they were all dressed, we decided to put the kids on the couch and try to take a photo. I wasn’t going to brave the malls or spend a fortune on a photographer this year. If I got a good shot, great. If not, what can I do? I ordered my folded cards from Vistaprint, with a collage on the front with a shot of the four kids on the couch and a family photo from Joseph’s Christening day. And on the inside, I put individual photos of the kids. I am pretty happy with my cards, considering I am exhausted!
